Working with people in crisis, I hear this despair from people who have reached a breaking point. But hopelessness is not a fact, it’s an opinion. When you reach a dead end, these guidelines can guide you back on your path to recovery:
1. There is a difference between hurt and harm: Although it may hurt to end that relationship, say goodbye to a loved one, or remember a trauma, the hurt is not senseless and without purpose. The human spirit is built to grow from these challenges, and a therapist guides the way.
2. It’s not what you know, but what you don’t know: Have you ever looked back and had a very different view than you had when you were in the midst of a problem? When we label an event, a person, or even ourselves, we filter our experience through that label. Talk with your therapist to shorten the time it takes to get to the benefit of hindsight.
3. If you aren’t winning the game, change games! Be mindful of what assumptions you are making that contribute to your suffering. If you equate happiness to a specific job, relationship, or situation, you will despair when it becomes elusive. Be open to the different expressions of fulfillment that may differ from what you have set in your mind.
4. Everybody else is doing better, why not me? We often compare our insides to others’ outsides. Remember that others present the best model of themselves to the outside world. If you compare all your bruises and scars to these superficial displays, you will always come up short.
5. I do not have control, but I do have choice. If you are feeling stuck, you may be trying to control what is not controllable. Shifting the focus to choice will free you to once again make progress in the challenges you face.
These healthy perspectives can help you move from hopelessness to hopefulness — and toward better days!
The Mind Renewed 