Why defusing matters in therapy

Defusing means putting awareness to thoughts and feelings. Time does this automatically: think about the last time you felt mad, or sad, or anxious. Thinking about the last time doesn’t put you right back into that feeling, you are only remembering it . . . without feeling it intensely. Now, we could bring up the intensity by using imagination to go back to that moment. One of the most useful tools in therapy is to use that same imagination to give yourself space from the experience. We call this defusing, and I’ll give you a few techniques to develop this skill but first let’s discuss why.

What healthy people do, that people who suffer with depression and anxiety struggle to do, is self observe and self reflect. What this means is healthy people defuse from their thoughts and feelings already. They wouldn’t be able to tell you that they are doing it, and they may not even be aware that they are doing it. But when you talk with them about something that is difficult for them, they are stepping back in their mind from the experience and looking at it. When someone is not able to use this space, we see agitation, emotionality, taking things personally, overly identifying with the experience, possibly fearfulness, and other negative defenses. Sometimes it may look like shutting down or dismissiveness or avoidance and not seem reactive at all, but that is still a reaction from being fused or overwhelmed with the experience. The goal of defusing is to give yourself the security and the calm to experience your thoughts and feelings and respond in a healthy way.

Once you defuse from the thoughts and feelings, some healthy ways of dealing with situations are accessible. These healthy ways include self expression, self assertion, and setting boundaries. After you master defusing, you can start working on building those goals. But many people get stuck on communication and boundary work in therapy because they haven’t yet learned to defuse.

Here are a few different techniques that I use to help people practice defusing:

1. Use the phrase “I’m noticing” before your silent thoughts: “I’m noticing the thought that I’m going to be late”, “I’m noticing some frustration about that call”, “I’m noticing the urge to have a snack”.
2. Use your 5 senses to ground you into the here and now. If you are having difficulty with overwhelming feelings or racing thoughts, take a moment to to focus on what you see or what you hear. You cannot be in two places at once: when you use your senses to bring you to a sensation, you will automatically step back from whatever is overwhelming you.
3. Imagine you are driving a bus and the thoughts you are having are passengers on a bus. This technique is helpful for defusing from negative thinking habits. You can assign cartoon characters to the thought. Imagine stopping the bus and the character “I never get what I want” gets on board. You drive for a while and then you stop and ask that character to get off. You can write a list of common automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) and use this imaginary scene to take back your mind.

Awareness brings choice. If you are unaware that you have a habit or that you are overreacting, you will continue to do it automatically. If you work on defusing from the thoughts you have and the feelings that flood you, you have the choice to walk away from what no longer serves you.